Please enjoy this sample content from the August 2023 edition of Truth Magazine!

Marriage Planning - Part 1

By Chris Reeves

Synopsis: When a couple is planning to get married, they should focus on more weighty issues than the wedding ceremony and reception—such as character and commitment and cultivating a Christ-like spirit.

(Books on marriage available for viewing/shopping by clicking here.)

Introduction

As I sit down to write this article, my wife and I will celebrate our 35^th wedding anniversary in just a few days. We have been blessed by God with so many years of time together. Indeed, marriage is honorable (Heb. 13:5). I see other Christians, often young ones, desiring to get married and I think about the importance of spending some quality time talking about marriage before you get married. Many couples will spend hours planning the wedding ceremony without really spending time talking about the actual marriage relationship itself. I look back over my life of marriage and I realize that thoughts of the wedding ceremony can fade quickly, but what is constantly before my mind each day are the biblical principles that make marriage work the way God planned it. As I have the opportunity to mentor couples concerning marriage, I suggest the following items to talk about before you get married.

Marry a Christian

Ye husbands, in like manner, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman, as unto the weaker vessel, as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life; to the end that your prayers be not hindered (1 Pet. 3:7).

Before you marry, make sure that the one you love is a faithful Christian. It has been said many times, but it needs to be said over and over again: marry a faithful Christian. Wait to marry until you are a Christian and the one you love is a Christian. By Christian, I mean the way the New Testament uses the description of “Christian” (Acts 11:26)—someone who has obeyed the gospel plan of salvation and is living according to the New Testament pattern each day. I don’t mean a good person, a religious person, or a member of a man-made denomination. I mean a true New Testament Christian. I continue to hear throughout my life how couples close to me are leaving the Lord because a Christian married someone other than a faithful Christian. Why would you put your soul in jeopardy for “love”? Yes, Christians marrying other Christians have left the Lord as well, but the chances are greater for this when you marry a non-Christian. Just don’t do it! Don’t risk your spiritual future and that of your children. I married a faithful Christian woman, and she has helped me stay faithful to this point in my life and I would encourage you to do the same.

Leave and Cleave

And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen. 2:23-24).

Before you marry, plan to live your own life and start your own family apart from your parents. There may be some emergency situation when you have to stay with your parents either to help them or get help from them, but with that exception aside, you need to plan to live your own life in your own place. So many marriage problems could be solved if every couple would do this. It is not a question of love. Parents love their adult children and the children love their parents, but God’s plan is to leave and cleave. We may live in a culture where adult children still want to live with their parents and the parents are happy to let them do that, but that is not God’s way. If you are old enough to marry, you are old enough to live on your own.

Take Care of Your Own

But if any provideth not for his own, and specially his own household, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:8).

Before you marry, plan to take care of your own responsibilities. Just as it is good for married couples to live on their own, it is also good that they take care of their own affairs and not live off of their parents. Get your own job. Plan to rent or buy your own place for you and your spouse. Take care of your own bills. When the children come along, raise your own children (Eph. 6:1-4; Col. 3:21; 1 Tim. 5:14; Titus 2:4). I love my grandchildren and I love to be around them (They are the best grandkids in the world.), but they are not my responsibility to raise. Yes, there may be emergencies or special circumstances that require parents to help their adult married children, but those cases need to be made the exception and not the rule. Many young married couples want to have so many material things that both of them work all the time and let the grandparents (or daycare) raise the kids. This is not God’s way. It matters not what the grandparents want, it’s about what God wants. It matters not what is culturally acceptable, it’s about what is acceptable to God.

Fulfill Your God-Given Roles

Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, being himself the saviour of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it (Eph. 5:22-25).

Before you marry, know clearly what your roles are as a husband and a wife. The man needs to know that he will have to be a loving leader (head) to his wife and make decisions that are important to this life and going to heaven. The woman needs to know that she will have to be a submissive help-meet to her husband and support and help him (Gen. 2:18). Both have important roles when the children come along as father and mother. All these roles are very serious and critical to the well-being of the godly family. They also bring great blessings as well. It is not good to marry someone who does not know or want to fulfill his (or her) God-given roles and responsibilities.

Start Out Small

Better is little, with the fear of Jehovah, than great treasure and trouble therewith. Better is a dinner of herbs, where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith (Prov. 15:16-17).

Before you marry, decide that you do not have to have everything all at once. You don’t have to have the newest items in your house. You don’t have to have all the latest gadgets. You don’t have to have the newest iPhone. You don’t have to drive two new cars with high payments. Plan to live within your means. So many married couples start out buying all the newest things they can and then spend the rest of their life working overtime to pay for it all. Because they are working all the time to pay for their new things, they don’t have time for themselves, their service to God, their children, or others. Start out small and work your way up to having more things or newer things. There is nothing wrong with owning something older if it still works well and serves your needs.

Live On a Budget

The rich ruleth over the poor; and the borrower is servant to the lender (Prov. 22:7).

Before you marry, plan to live on a budget. If you don’t know how to budget, learn how. It’s rather easy to learn. Just make sure the money coming is greater than the money going out. Many married couples “get in over their heads” rather quickly because they buy most of their things on credit and then have trouble paying it off. Married couples overwhelmed with debt will sometimes neglect responsibilities such as giving to the Lord each first day of the week, providing for their children, or giving to those in need. They will not have extra funds to spend on enjoying life. Debt often causes married couples to be stressed all the time and fight with each other. Money (debt) problems are at the root of many marital problems today. There were many times in my marriage when I wanted to have something new for my wife and children, but I resisted buying it because it would put us in great debt. It’s just best to live on a budget.

Above are some practical things from God’s word that you should talk about with the one you plan to marry. Next month, Lord willing, I will offer some more advice to help you get your marriage off to a good start. Getting some biblical principles in place and agreed upon before you marry will make your marriage so much sweeter, so much more fulfilling, and so much more pleasing in God’s sight.

Sources

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the American Standard Version (ASV 1901 Edition).

Chris Reeves has preached for the Warfield Blvd. church of Christ in Clarksville, TN, since 2016. He and his wife, Cheri, have four children and two grandchildren. His Bible study website is https://thegoodteacher.com. The church website is https://thegoodteacher.com. He can be reached at chrisreevesmail@gmail.com.